Cause i miss you!!

so i miss all my friends a ton but the one i miss the most is my gay best friend. Alex seidel. he and i are like twin bros. we really do share a mind sometimes its hilarious adn when we are together we laugh adn make those around us laugh till they cry. hes at college now and i dont get random texts as much or even randomer calls. Its gotten really quiet without him. Its weird. Like a person from new york moving to kansas and misses the traffic well im the new yorker and hes my traffic. I saw him friday night and hadnt realized how much i missed him till then. hes grown up a lot but hes still him. it felt like forever since i saw him. it had only been a day and a half since i talked to him oh mer.
The song that this title is for is by dashboard confessional. no i dont rember the name and no i wont look it up in my ipod. its off there new cd. If ya wanna know look it up. i m tired night

Love,
More than my own life
Wha-Wha

To sir with love

I finally got my friends poem done. i think this is where i want it to be... theres a hidden message in it. find it and the poem is even more powerful...

My Brother From A Second Mother

I don’t know why it happened,

Listening to each other and laughing we became friends.

Often enough, friendships like ours don’t happen.

Very lucky are we, who become like brothers,

Especially when you show as much love to each other as we do.

You were always there for me, just as I was for you.

Only now we must say our goodbyes.

Used to be we were never apart for long.

Many roads are ahead of us,

Always will you be in my heart,

No matter what happens you will always be my best man.

hope you like it. ill post it on fb tomorrow when i get home from breakfast.

Love,

More than my own life

Wha-Wha

To Sir with Love

Nothing much to say. it was an amazing last night with one of my best buddies. SEidel dripps and i got together to say goodbye to dripps. We had a blast all night up until we said the final goodbye and we started to cry. I was fine for a little bit but i was gone when i heard our senior song. Dripps and i love that song and were exstatic when it was picked. Seidel called us the three musketeers of mayhem. We really are that. We are loud and love to laugh and joke and of anybody i think im gonna miss them the most. Im gonna go cry some more now. ttyl
Love,
more than my own life
Wha-Wha

So live like you mean it, Love till you feel it

Hey,
So i know i told you id post my friends poem as the next post but im not happy with it yet. Idk. the feeling just isnt right from it. Hopefully it gets better. He was like my brother adn i really did love him and i want that to get across in the poem. Right now its just a friendship. i think im just gonna trash this one and start all over. In total, this will make three letters and two poems to him if i start over. Good things happen in fives adn threes so hopefully this gets the right meaning across. I hope it does. I have to say goodbye to a good friend tonight. So ill prolly post again later tonight. maybe a poem will come.
Love,
More than my own life
WHa-Wha

People come into our lives for a reason

So as summer comes to an end an overwhelming feeling has come over me. and that is the feeling of goodbye. Us ually its not a big deal. I am used to just going to see friends and saying by to summer and then the next day we all be at school together talking like we never had to say goodbye. The thing is is when we say goodbye this time. i wont see everyone the nexxt day. When we say goodbye, its goodbye until probably thanksgiving. I wont be able to go out with these people every weekend. Its kind of sad but usually i get to say goodbye to eveyone before they leave and i can write them a poem and give it to them. Well, last night that didnt really happen so i was extremely sad. I didnt want to post the poem before saying goodbye to a certain someone and giving them the poem first. They failed to show up last night and didnt even bother to send a goodbye text or call or fb message. i was sad. i will post the poem for him here first before i do it on fb but i dont know when i will post it. im still kinda sad.

The song that the title comes from is another one of my favorite songs, For Good, its from the musical Wicked. it also is the song that my senior class sang at our senior follies, which is a big comedy thing seniors do. I was the one who picked the song out. it talks about friends and love and how even though we dont know why people come into our lives to make a difference and that may not always be known to us. It also says that even if we never see each other again we will always love and care about the people who we call our friends and love. It means a lot to me because all of my friends are like this.
Love,
More than my own life
Wha-Wha

I wanna save you

So im changing the way this blog is going and making it focus on things i observe in others and in general. its also where i can post more of my writing and such. So here's to new beginnings.



So this summer has been an absolute a lot of ups and downs adn twist but fun the whole way until the very end. Between losing weight and enjoying food and gaining and losing friends its been the most amazing summer of my life. I think that most of all ive grown into something more than i was before. something similar but also older. i guess what im saying is that i used to be kind of naive about the true nature of some hearts. I am a huge believer in the powers of light over darkness and the constant struggle between them. Also the effects they have on the hearts of the people of the world. I dont mean the physical heart or mind but that heart where we feel love and safety and the mind where we have our inner eye, imagination, and the all important inner voice that we all consult when we are in different situations. Over the years ive been able to find the light in people and naturally i get attacted to it and i befriend those with light. And the people that whether they actually have darkness in them or feel like they deserve to belong to darkness are who i help.



I guess since i havent said in this blog. but i am the secret keeper and psychiatrist of the group. I hear all problems and concerns. The thing is is i love to hear all of those things. its so refreshing to see so much trust taht a friend will give to someone else. The thing is is that for a while i was getting over loaded and i couldnt handle things for awhile. Every story was getting mixed up and i would constantly worry about all my friends. im sure for awhile they were all annoyed by me constantly questioning them.



Sorry that was a tangent from where i was.... So anywho. What i do is read peoples emotions which leads to understanding where their minds are going and what they are thinking. No i cant read minds but i make guesses as to what people are thinking based on the emotions they are putting out. So for example: Funerals are the death of me. I guess wakes are up there too with funerals. I just needed to clarify. So the reason they are so bad ill start with wakes. If you think in a dead body at a wake. there is nothing light nor dark just nothing. So its like a vacuum of nothingness that sucks to be around. So it jus makes you depressd. And the thing with funerals is that there is no good emotions everything is sad and crying. So i could not even know the person and be sobbing. Its happened many times and it actually almost as much if i knew the person all my life. Its also painful to see my friends cry.



Example to that last sentence. on my last musical at my school we do this thing called the senior send off. where the whole cast jjoins hands around the theatre with all the seniors on stage. they then read off all the seniors names. Its very emotional cause the way my school worked was whatever you did you made friends and they became your family so this was mid febuary and i was already saying goodbye to some friends because we wouldnt have the experience of this musical together ever again. So we were all hugging cause we had all grown to be an awesome family even the girls from the girl schoool since my school is all guys. So i turned to one of my best friends who worked crew while i was a dancer adn an actor i also worked crew adn he hadnt been cry adn he looked at me and started to. He came up to me and hugged me and whispered that he wasnt going to do crew for the next show. The sad part about that was that i had told him the night before when i slept at his house was that i was looking forward to working crew with him. So then we both started to sob. literally nobody could get us to move. we delayed the show starting by 20 min cause we didnt move from the stage. THe thing is is we both kept crying off stage. He could stay back stage i couldnt. i was a principle in the show so i had to be on stage with a body mic and be able to sing my harmonies. It was the hardest thing ever. I wuold get off stage adn he would be there waiting and we would just break down.
So ya Emotions rock for me. i love them even when i hate them.

Love,
More than my own life
Wha-Wha

Tribute

So tonight was absolutely epicness. We went over to mikey's and had an awesome night. it was a great night without any drama or any problems just good friends and good times. we all got along and had an amazing time. we had a great guest of kate buckley. she was so much fun and just melded in with us and hopefully felt welcome. She taught us an awesome game called ninja. so much fun. me and gable won a lot of the games.

When everyone else had left, and the only people who remained were mikey gable tyty and me. we started ot make some spoofs of songs. i cant really share them here cause they were slightly inappropriate but so hilarious. It was great to be wtih everyone and still just the guys being together and we were so happy.

Its nights like these that im gonna miss the most. We all know that we will always be friends its just even further in the future we dont want to be completely separated from each otehr. Our hearts are connected and nothing can stop us from seeing each other. We may not be able to be together all the time but the love we have for each other will be able to transcend all time and we will never forget each other.

Love,
more than my own life
Wha-Wha

Need somebody to love.

Hey everyone,
so today was better than the end to last night. i got to really experiment with dinner for tonight. we shall see how it turns out. hopefully its good. i was listening to italian opera for some reason today. it just really relaxed me. who knows why. I guess its part of the strangness that is me. haha
Might be going to mikey's house tonight. We shall see if his parents let us. otherwise im just going driving maybe pick him up and we will hang out.
Maybe more later.
Love,
More than my own life
Wha-Wha

Goodbye Love, just came to say goodbye

So the title for today comes from one of my favorite musicals, Rent. Its about love and friendship through no matter what the world throws at you. Its a great play and movie.

So the title means many things to me. tongiht was a great night. I had an amazign pool party with some awesome people who i will miss dearly. The party was to say goodbye ot an underclassman friend who is going to Scotland for most of the summer and I will prolly not see her until either thanksgiving or christmas break. She was great and put up with a lot of stuff this past year. she said that this year was the best one she had had at high school because of us. The last time i was at her house i gave her a letter and a cd that i asked if i could have back cause i had never let people listen to the songs in the soundtrack. The cd was kept secret because everysong on the cd described the personality or traits or attitude of one of our friends. It was my keepsake adn memory of my friends. I let her keep it so she can remeber us when we leave in a month. nobody else will get it. every cd i make is special. hopefully people can see that.

The letter that i gave her was seen by some as kind of sneaky and assumptions were made by people what it was. and a certain someone made accusations against me that hurt as bad when caitlyn left me. The letter was a goodbye letter. i wrote a bunch of these orginally to give to my friends when we all parted ways but ive since burned all of them. i wrote this one to say be strong and that i would always think of her adn i stopped caring about her old relationship with her ex bf. But tonight this same letter seems to be the point of accusation. i got home and he started to accuse me of telling tina all this stuff about his relationship with kait. and the letter was the thing that i told her in. and to top it all off. i transferred a message that was supposed to be private between kait and me from tina, and he used that message against me. 1) what happened to dont shoot the messenger. 2) there is only one way that he could have gotten that message and thats if kait told him. he had it exactly word for word like i sent her. Maybe he hacked her fb but i doubt it. So right now im really upset and kinda crushed and so i listen to hte one type of music htat i usually hate but when ifeel like this it makes me feel betteer and that is opera. here's the one that is playing now:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsmVnN3pzFI&feature=related if you have never heard it you should listen. It's time to say goodbye. absolutely breathtaking. the english version is also available. So now im waiting for a response from kait. we need to talk. im more sad than anything and upset that she betrayed me like that. i dont know how much i can trust her. "Trust takes seconds to destroy, and years to rebuild." hopefully she can explain.

Love,

more than my own life

Wha-Wha

I Used to be love drunk

hey,
so tonight was really extremely bittersweet. i went to the loop and got bubble tea. So it was amazing i love the loop especially at night. adn bubble tea makes everything better. the bad part about the night was i was with caitlyn. it started off as fine and we talked about her trip to china but slowly we went back to our old ways and were flirting heavily back and forth.

So, some describiton about caitlyn and mine's relationship. it was never really solid or anything just super confusing cause she dated a friend of mine, but we wouls still mess around alot. then she gave me an ultimatum of either date her adn sleep with her or be nothing. well i didnt like either of those so i chose to ignore her until she came to me. and then we got stressed adn she left for china for a week longer than she was supposed to because of me and then went straight ot a vacation. Oh well. it was just weird cause we ened the night with her in my arms and our lips so close that tehy touched while we talked.

I havent been that close to a girl or talked to her like that in a long time. it was really weird. not to sound gay but i can flirt with guys no prob adn then react so differently and are easy to be around. some girls just confuse me. especially her but oh well i let all those feelings die away.

Love,
More than my own life
Wha-wha

You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream.

hey,
so im still trying to think of what to post. this blog was for me to try and get past my writers block.
so i just had a great conversationwith my grandma. It was all about roman history and greek language and the bible. She believessome things that i cant bring myself to believe. for one she doesnt believe adam and eve are representations of man and woman. she takes it as two people. so the whole world was created by two people. SEh doesnt see that he fact that is incredible incest or hte fact hat when you kiss your s.o. you are kissing your sibling then. She is the kind of person that takes the bible as written fact. IT cant be done htat way. We started talking about nero and how he was crazy. It felt amazingto us my knowledge of ancient latin to talk. i started ramblingin latin and didnt realize it. she looked at me really weird and then realized what i was doing. I havent donet hat since school let out. it was really funny for me. her not so much..

So i guess ill give a little background on my grandma. She is my entire world and i love her to pieces. Back from 2nd ot 8th grade she basically raised me. I lived wiht her adn everything. I would only see my parents on weekends. haha it was really fun. She would take care of me and i basically ruled the house. She is everything to me. She got really lonely when i went to high school caue i never saw her much and now that i leaving for college i makingsure my parents watchoverher for me. A little secret she likes me more than anyone else inour family.I knowthat sound snotty and whatever but its true. im her only heir. haah its not much but still she has a house and a car that i can sell and three bank accounts only i know the passwords too. those are because i made them for her. haha oh mer.

SO on a different note. i had an interesting confor with kait yesterday on a topic that can be quite controversial. I have many gay friends some are extremly open to it and some are so far in the closet it gets annoying when they flirt with girls. (no kait im not talking about your ex..... or am i?) so anyways we were talking about how when two girls kiss they are completely accepted and some men find them more attractive then before because they can try and get two girls in bed instead of just one. But when two men kiss they are instantly labeled for life as being gay. it just doesnt make sense to me. everyone is curious why is one gender's curiousity more exceptable then anothers. So she put it into a new light. women are a lot more sensual beings then men so they get more arousal and pleassure from many things. My only problem withthat is im a male and im like taht too. I dont have a "personnal bubble." If you need a hug id be the first one there or a back rub or pretty much anything up to having sex wiht you im there for ya. haha that sounded bad but still. so why isthe world so judgmental of people who are just being themselves.
Love,
More than my own life
Wha-Wha